1 Gaston
2 When a man like me is thwarted
3 And denied his honeymoon
4 Lefou
5 When the pretty thing he's courted
6 Refuses to swoon
7 Gaston
8 Then the time has come for a murky plan
9 Lefou
10 For which he turns to a murky man
11 All
12 To find that fiend where better than
13 At the Maison des Lunes?
14 Gaston
15 You'll be strapping up an inmate
16 Lefou
17 Very tightly
18 Gaston
19 Very soon
20 But we won't bring him in late
21 Lefou
22 Your check-in time's noon
23 D'Arque
24 How sad Maurice is not too well
25 Gaston
26 Prepare a five-star padded cell!
27 All
28 And book him in for a long, long spell
29 At the Maison des Lunes
30 Gaston
31 Do I make myself entirely clear?
32 Lefou
33 It's the simplest deal of your whole foul career
34 Gaston
35 Put Maurice away and she'll be here in moments
36 Lefou
37 In a dreadful state
38 Gaston
39 She'll capitulate to me
40 D'Arque
41 Oh! Oh! Oh, I love incarceration
42 I could lock up a platoon
43 Gaston
44 We'll apply your inclination
45 To a mad old buffon
46 Gaston & Lefou
47 Then wave one bachelor goodbye
48 Gaston
49 She'll be my bride
50 Lefou
51 She'd rather die
52 Than have her daddy ossify
53 D'Arque
54 The time's opportune
55 All
56 So book the church, raise glasses high
57 To the Maison des Lunes!