1 Lefou: Gosh, it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
2 Looking so down in the dumps
3 Every guy here'd love to be you, Gaston
4 Even when taking your lumps
5 There's no man in town as admired as you
6 You're everyone's favorite guy
7 Everyone's awed and inspired by you
8 And it's not very hard to see why
9 No one's slick as Gaston
10 No one's quick as Gaston
11 No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston
12 For there's no man in town half as manly
13 Bimbettes: Perfect, a pure paragon
14 Lefou: You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
15 And they'll tell you whose team they'd prefer to be on
16 Who plays darts like Gaston
17 Who breaks hearts like Gaston
18 Who's much more than the sum of his parts, like Gaston
19 Gaston: As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating
20 Townies: My, what a guy, that Gaston
21 Gaston: I needed encouragement; thank you, Lefou
22 Lefou:Well, there's no one as easy to bolster as you
23 Townies:No one fights like Gaston
24 Douses lights like Gaston
25 Lefou:In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston
26 Gaston: When I hunt I sneak up with my quiver
27 And beasts of the field say a prayer
28 First I carefully aim for the liver
29 Then I shoot from behind
30 Lefou: Is that fair?
31 Gaston: I don't care
32 Townies:No one hits like Gaston
33 Matches wits like Gaston
34 Lefou:In a spitting match, nobody spits like Gaston
35 Gaston: I'm especially good at expectorating
36 Townies: Ten points for Gaston!
37 Gaston: When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
38 Every morning to help me get large
39 And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs
40 So I'm roughly the size of a barge
41 Lefou:Who has brains like Gaston
42 Entertains like Gaston
43 Gaston:Who can make up these endless refrains, like Gaston
44 I use antlers in all of my decorating
45 Townies: Say it again
46 Who's a man among men?
47 Who's a super success?
48 Don't you know? Can't you guess?
49 Ask his fans and his five hangers-on
50 There's just one guy in town
51 Who's got all of it down
52 Lefou: And his name's G-A-S-T -
53 I believe there's another T
54 It just occurred to me that I'm illiterate
55 And I've never actually had to spell it out loud before
56 Townies: Gaston!